9.8.10

I keep thinking about this great Rumi quote- "Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again , come , come." This has been such an intense year. I quit my job and started a business, ended a 2 year affair with my lover, loved again and lost, and moved twice, and gave away over half my possessions. Even though change is the only constant, I keep thinking if I just make it, just get through this, do something right, it'll calm down, it'll be better, I'll experience relief. But in all of this, I have watched layer after layer fall away, and my own self emerge, not as a creature who's survived something, and at best made something happen, but as a profound and divine spark fulfilling something. The cosmic joke is that ultimately none of this has any significance- it doesn't mean a thing. Someday, the earth will roll over and we'll all cease to exist. Whether I make it or don't, whether my bills get paid or not, whether the object of my desire desires me, or not. None if it has any significance. At first this idea was a despairing one. How our humanity is in love with it's own reflection- our significance in this universe. But then I experienced freedom- It doesn't matter, I can keep coming, even if I've broken my vows a thousand times. The whole point is to come, yet again, and to simply be alive, in this moment, and this, and this. That is the whole point- the only point.